At one point during the Yom Kippur service, our hazzan spread her arms out and paused. She simply paused. We waited. She was silent. After what was becoming a long moment, she said “There are no words.” Eventually she moved on to the next section but that moment shimmered on for me. “There are no words.” The silence was exquisite.
And that’s why it has taken me so long to get to my monthly post. Perhaps it’s not that there are no words but that there are simply too. many. words. Too much talking, too much expounding, pontificating, posturing, inciting, exploring, debating, reflecting, presenting. Just too much.
Don’t get me wrong - having just come out of high holidays, some of the words present in the air were gorgeous and so nurturing and inspiring. Just the way I want words to wrap around me. But I have been overwhelmed by the amount of words. Many people have done beautiful jobs finding words for this incredibly complex time. (Though if I hear the times described as unprecedented one more time, my head just might explode. Please, can we retire unprecedented? I think we just have to admit that either everything is unprecedented or nothing is.) But the constant noise, the relentless re-hashing of all things in the 24 news cycle, social media, newspapers, the radio. It’s too much.
I live in Atlanta. My family was so fortunate that we were not impacted by Milton or Helene but many thousands were. Trees down, power out, homes flooded, lives lost. Western North Carolina has been my haven and playground for the last 30 years and I am heartbroken at the devastation. I found myself immersed in pictures of the floods and the ruination of so many places I love: Asheville, Lake Lure, Marshall, Waynesville, Frog Level, Boone. (There’s local ways to help at the bottom of this post)
On the heels of the hurricane was a massive fire at a chemical lab just outside of Atlanta. Chlorine filled the air and stung the eyes for several days even though I am 20 miles away - which is nothing when we’re talking about massive chemical plumes in the air for days.
I was planning to hike up a mountain in the same vicinity as the fire with Ma’alot on Erev Rosh Hashanah and was wrestling with my worry. I was relieved when Ma’alot leadership made the call to cancel. And I was devastated.
And I went under - subsumed by climate grief. Along with the fire and the hurricanes is, of course, the ongoing war (many wars, actually) not only killing thousands of individual divine sparks of light but filling the air with toxic plumes.
I went down deep. We hadn’t even gotten to the unetanah tokef yet - that haunting prayer that asks “Who by fire and who by water, Who by sword and who by wild beast, Who by famine and who by thirst, Who by earthquake and who by plague…”
It was happening right around me. Again.
There is power in Jewish tradition for this very reason - there is no averting your eyes from the hundreds of ways to die or to the horrors that humans inflict upon each other. There is actually space to hold the horrors. Space to wrestle with how limited our poor human experience is, our flaws, our misdeeds. We have thousands of years of tradition that tells us that humans suck and encourages us to do better.
We’re not doing better as a whole.
And I haven’t even mentioned the election.
If, while you are reading this, you are getting more tense, please take a moment to take a deep breath. If you need to, place your hand on your own beating heart and feel your divine spark of pulsing light. Glance around wherever you happen to be and let your eyes find something lovely. Maybe it’s a cup of coffee in front of you. Or a plant or a pet or a piece of art. Take a moment to just appreciate that bit of beauty in the world. Take another deep breath.
This shit is real and it will take you down.
But it doesn’t have to.
But it is serious work to not let it.
A friend of mine shared her guilt at feeling happy. I get it. I am so incredibly fortunate in so many ways and there are both many ways I do serve and many ways I don’t. I have wrestled with guilt over the ways I don’t. The “not doing enough” syndrome. I’ve felt it all my life. There are those who are called to the front lines. I am not one of them.
Pirkei Avot says the world is built on Torah, Avodah, and Gemilut Chasadim - study, prayer and acts of service. We are reminded that the work is not ours to complete but neither is it for us to put down. Yeah yeah yeah. It’s hard not not to feel guilt about not doing enough. At least for me.
My synagogue had t shirts proudly emblazoned with the phrase “joy is form of resistance.” I wear it frequently and I believe it.
Pirkei Avot and my tshirt remind me that it is OK to put the grief down, the work down, the pain down. Or, if not to put it down, to balance it with joy, rest and nourishment. In fact, it is critical. Dominant culture tells us we have to work our fingers to the bone and that permeates humanitarian sectors too. Kill yourself with stress for the good of everyone else.
Sorry, but I am saying no to that. I put down the Superwoman cape a long time ago. I work hard. I help others. I also take time to smell my flowers, walk my dog and take naps.
The Nap Ministry, founded by Tricia Hersey, lifts up the importance of rest, especially for BIPOC people who were historically forced into relentless and dehumanizing labor. Even today systemic racism applies incredible economic and social pressures on BIPOC folks, forcing many to work multiple jobs which doesn’t leave much room for rest. And late stage capitalism combined with the American grind drives everyone down. Two weeks vacation? If you’re lucky! Iran, Denmark, Sweden, France and Australia offer 25 days or more vacation days plus holidays. My Danish friends close up for a month in the late summer.
Judaism has Shabbat and many folks in my corner of Judaism don’t observe it the way other Jewish communities do. Some folks try not to drive or handle money; others have tech Shabbats but many of us are still go, go, go. I usually am.
And yet. I come back to that moment of quiet pause as our hazzan listened in to what was needed and found that what was needed was a moment of silence. Of just Being.
When I went down deep into my climate grief and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, what pulled me out again was rest. My garden. My dog. Being with my community. Nothing was healed or solved over the course of the High Holidays but I found opportunity for deep rest, even while doing the work of reflection.
And while I have now written 1207 words, adding to the noise of words in the universe, I will close with an encouragement to put words down. To put noise down. Turn off your phone. Turn off the news. Constant bombardment of information when you can’t do anything more than what you can do is not healthy. It’s all there whenever you want to tap back in but take a break. It’s OK. Rest and joy and stillness are forms of resistance. The 24 news cycle does not actually serve our human souls. Connecting with nature and with each other does. And what better time to remember to do this than during Sukkot. A time when we are encouraged to dwell in temporary structures and to remember, with gratitude, how our lives depend on the Earth.
If you can, find a Sukkah to eat in or perhaps sleep in. Maybe lay your body down on the Earth and just breathe.
I love you. Breathe.
** as always, if you need ritual support for coping or making meaning, reach out to me at resource@maayanarts.net **
Resources for supporting Western NC
BeLoved Asheville – Provides rapid response assistance, relocates individuals to safer areas, and offers essential services.
Visit their websiteManna FoodBank – Distributes food and essential supplies to families in need during crises.
Learn more and donate hereHearts with Hands – Focuses on distributing emergency items like food and cleaning supplies to shelters.
Visit Hearts with HandsNorth Carolina Disaster Relief Fund – Supports nonprofits addressing critical needs like food, shelter, and medical supplies during the recovery period.
Donate to the NC Disaster Relief FundCommunity Housing Coalition of Madison County – Organizes emergency home repairs to help those affected by hurricane damage.
Learn more and support their effortsNC Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster (NCVOAD) – Coordinates volunteer activities and provides updates on ongoing recovery efforts.
Explore opportunities to volunteer
For real-time updates on conditions and additional donation opportunities:
beautiful, McKenzie. I love the 'joy is resistance' t-shirts! Reading Ross Gay on Joy and Delight has been so important to me. We can claim it!